Tired of life being a mess

I am old a snuff to have left home by havenít for lots of relation call it bad luck lazy etc my parents I just seem just bump heads if you know what I mean there are live lesions I should have learned but havenít for some reason. Anyway I could use more good luck 7 guides, etc. help ! I need help.

I should definitely get medical help but we are too poor to arrange that. I know I have bipolar, depression and severe anxiety. I am not medicated and often I go out of my mind.

I attempted suicide by taking pills, but didn't work. I spent a week in the hospital. I hurt so many people but I just cannot handle life. It was heart breaking.

A priest told me last week that I am precious and I am important to God and I do have a purpose, I just need to find it. He says don't let the devil in your head and fight to take control. Don't allow this disease to win. I know getting psychiatric help would be the best, but I don't have money for any treatment, maybe I should trying buying a spell with a strong ritual to heal me.

The thing is I am not currently being able to cope up with life. Now that doesn't mean I will never be able to do so, right? I need to keep some hope here, otherwise everything turn dark again. Clara says that I must thus wipe out the option of suicide and don't even think of it. I am trying but when I feel tired that thought come back to me, like a way to finish with my suffer, I am tired of life being a mess.

I believe God inflicted this hard time on me just to make me stronger. But sometimes I feel I am just not strong enough to deal with this. I have read that butterfly fighting out the hard shell of pupa to come out it is very painful. t pains a lot but for them that pain is important to make the wings strong enough to face the winds. Maybe that could be an example of real life? I don't know, maybe many of those butterfly die on the way of achieving their goal.

Maybe all I need is someone to share your thoughts and problems to, but who, because all my friends laugh on me most of the time, saying that I am weak and my family is so disrespectful with me also. I am tired of life being a mess; I am tired of living like this.

Just put on a fight against destiny that hopefully I will win, I hope so, but I know I have to do it alone as no one is helping me because they don't believe in me. I have to change; something must change soon so I can survive because I feel tired of life being a mess.

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