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I want him after me

I want him after me. That he realize he need a real woman me that he desires me and want everything with me. We can't force our sexual attractions and I know this one is true and for good. I just need him to realize that I am the one. I need him to leave this girl that is so annoying, He is always complaining about her, that she is too jealous, that she always want to control him, that she doesn't like his friends, how can he be with a woman like that, I can't believe it, it is so difficult to me to understand. He says he only see me as a friend for now, yes, he said “for now”, what does it mean? I want later to come NOW. I love his friends I am an independent woman, I am not jealous at all... Most of us have learned that the hard way. Oh lord I wish he will realize soon that I am the one for him, I want him to chase me and now is the opposite, it is me trying to show him how good I am... Sometimes I feel pathetic, like now...

Even his friends many times told him in joke that he should switch girlfriends and he should choose me indeed of her. Paul and I study together at the law university, we will graduate next year. I want to get married after University and have a beautiful home with kids, even if I am interested in working as a lawyer of course.

You know, it's almost magical. When you go to a party, and there's always one person you feel most attracted to. If I would date him, my life will be complete, within a few weeks or a few months I will discover he has the same emotional qualities than me and we are just perfect. When I first saw him from across the room, I had no idea at all that this would be true!

In my opinion, longing for love is not weakness. It's wisdom. Numbing our loneliness is a path to a despair that plagues our culture. We are not meant to be alone and self-sufficient. Without lives filled with love, we wither inside. Intimacy is oxygen. We don't need to transcend our hunger for love; we need to learn to honor it. And I want to honor Paul, he is so kind and funny and caring, even if I am still his friend, I can imagine if we became a couple! He must be great in a relationship. I am so in love with him... I dream about him chasing me.

I pray every night to ask the Lord to consider my wish, that will make me the happiest woman on earth and universe also. I trust my wish will come true, soon or later, even if I prefer to happen soon.



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